Decker,
There are a lot of different moments where I look down at you and I try to capture a mental picture. I say to myself, “I’ll never remember it all, but if I can just grab this one moment. If I can just remember now, it’ll be okay that it all fades so fast.”
Usually I’m staring at your smile when you’re looking up at me. Sometimes it’s when you’re getting into something and you turn around and give me that sheepish grin.
Already, though, sometimes when I try to picture those moments I just envision the big picture of you crawling on the floor that is in the house and at my office and used to be on my phone. It’s a great picture. Amazing picture. Epic picture. But it’s just a picture.
We can’t stop time, my friend. We’re left with the way we feel and how much we can still feel that when we think about it. It’s a little sad, sure, but it is what it is. It’s God’s world. We didn’t make it, we just live here.
If there is a moral to this letter, it’s that I wish you knew how happy you make me. You are one of the few things that can draw me out of myself, fully. For that, I’m so grateful.
This gratitude makes me want to be good to you. Help you. Do things for you. Make sure you’re okay. It’s magic.
The other thing I’m hoping you might take away from this is
You can make other people feel good. You can’t stop time for them, but you can make them remember how you made them feel. In a way, it’s the closest us mere mortals can get to stopping time. Second, it’s your attitude that’s the most important thing. How you feel – and how others can “make” you feel – is dictated largely by how you see the world. That’s your attitude. Others around you may be wonderful people doing wonderful things and being wonderful to you. But if you don’t see it that way, when you think back on it, you won’t remember the good. That will leave you with a kind of emptiness. I know this because I think it’s kind of what I have for various points in my life.
That said, it doesn’t matter now because what’s gone is gone. Every moment is a chance to capture a new wonderful feeling I can take with me as long as it will stay in my head and in my heart. Thanks for being you Decker. You’re only 16 months old and I’m already proud to know you.
Love,
Dad
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