Guys,

Earlier this summer, we were riding around our neighborhood in the little red wagon.  Decker, you wanted to wave to a little boy of about 10.  You waved.  He wasn’t paying attention, so I said, “Maybe you can say Hi to him.”  I said it loud, so he would hear.  He heard and turned.  You waved.

He waved back, imitating your slow, exaggerated wave.  I glared at him.  He smiled smugly.

I literally wanted to beat the shit out of him.  I wanted to hit him square in his nose, one time for every single thing I think is wrong with the world.  I guess that meant, for a flash, I wanted to beat him long past he was dead.

But, of course, that sounds ridiculous.  I sound angry to the point of lunacy.  And maybe I am.  Seeing and absorbing the hurts of the world gives one a special disposition to anger, if one is so wired, which I am.

And, of course, I’d be no better than him.  Worse, because, at least in theory, I know better.  The kid has an insecurity, I suppose.  Or maybe a meanness or a selfishness.  I don’t know.

He has a lack of innocence, that much I know.  He knows that you can imitate someone and make them feel bad or self conscious. 

You don’t have that knowledge, nor does Gibson.  I wish you never needed to have that knowledge.

The part of this whole thing that really kills me … It’s not going to be the kid who takes that innocence from you.  The world will take it some.  The kids at school will take it some.  But you will lose a lot of it from me and mom.  We are, like most, ever so human.  We’re not bad, just human.  We lost our innocence.  We got swayed by the world, consumed with a bunch of shit that doesn’t matter.  What kind of car, clothes, belongings.  The language used.  Who is friends with who, etc.  And, in our lesser moments, we probably even make fun of someone else to make ourselves feel better.  I hate to admit it, but it’s occasionally true.

I watch you both gain knowledge of the world.  I watch your curiosity.  I’m fascinated by it.  I watch you learn.  I watch you lose a little innocence here and a little there.  You are filling up with a lot of good, while you lose a little innocence.  It’s a trade-off as old as humans themselves.  You both are, like mom and I, ever so human.

It’s a joy to walk this road with you, even if I do have to participate in the loss of innocence.

I love you guys so much

Dad

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2nd O’s Game

by Byron on July 31, 2015

Gibby,

We all went to the O’s game last night.  It was your 2nd O’s game.  You are really developing a personality.  You’re still really sweet, but now you are also curious and mischievous.  You like to roll around and wrestle.  You love giving high fives.

I gotta tell you, I really think a lot of you.  You have a great deal of character.  You can tell, even at such a young age.  Maybe all parents feel this way about their kids.  I do feel that way about Decker too, despite your very different personalities.

I would say I can’t wait to watch you grow, but I don’t want it to happen too fast.  (Even though it already is.)

I love you, Gib!

Love,

Dad

Daddy and Gibby

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Nana

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Gibson, Your first words were Mama and Dada, I think in that order.  “A-dun” came after that, mimicking “All Done.” But your first word identifying something was […]

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2.5 and 1

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Hey Guys,Decker, lately you have been full of piss and vinegar.  A lot of energy bouncing around in there you don’t much know what to do with.  […]

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Just Wanted to Say I Love You

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2015 Goals

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A Nice Thing They Said About Your Grandfather…

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Hey Guys, There was an op-ed in the Baltimore Sun about the Freddie Gray and Baltimore Police Department events.  The op-ed suggests training and education is vital. […]

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Thunderstorms, Bedtime, & Jabbering Away

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Deck,When I put you to sleep and it’s time for me to leave, we have a routine.  I say, “It’s time for me to go, Deckie.”  You […]

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A Top Tener

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Hey Guys, Today was one of those beautiful days.  The sun, a breeze, not too hot.  Just right.  A wonderful spring day.  One of those days where […]

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